


Like a Wildflower

by silverinerivers



Series: what we found along the way [2]
Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, Character Study, Flash Fic, Gen, Humanity, Introspection, Not a girl, Not a robot, Retrospective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverinerivers/pseuds/silverinerivers
Summary: Not a girl, not a robot. So what is she?(or 5 Times Janet found her humanity)
Series: what we found along the way [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704634
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Like a Wildflower

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with a short companion flash fic just because I love Janet so much. I decided to start a series in case I wanted to write more.
> 
> Anyhow, hope you enjoy & are staying safe out there!
> 
> Title from Wildflower by Clay Finnesand

_one._

There’s grime on the counter and beer stains in her uniform. Janet is well aware of the concept of dirtiness, but now instead of disentangling the mess away with a wipe of her hand, she’s rubbing in the distinct smell of alcohol deeper. How frustrating, that she can’t just conjure a new set – it’s not like she hasn’t tried.

Her arms feel like off, sinking with the push of gravity as she pours each beer by hand. Is this what weight truly is? The glass handle feels cold against her palm; her footsteps are clumsy and uneven.

Do humans live most of their lives like they stagger through it, the way her mind’s running dry now?

_two._

Being Bad Janet is hard. The insults don’t come easily, but she can repeat a few words, try to tell herself that in another universe, these phrases could maybe even mean well. But being Neutral Janet is impossible, now that she knows what it means to feel.

It could have been easier, perhaps before she read all the human psychology books in the universe. A strange concoction of chemicals within her bubbles to the surface: the sheer embarrassment that overtakes her, accompanied by a kind of pressure she’s never felt before. Janet’s always been _so_ good at her job, but now she’s so far off script she can’t keep herself in check. She can’t be neutral when it’s so clear that nothing is truly neutral, and nothing ever can be.

_three._

Janet’s never understood overthinking. That kind of lucubration must be exhausting, not knowing all the facts at any given millisecond.

And yet, Derek.

Derek doesn’t really think, or he does, but it makes very little sense. All the wisdom in the universe doesn’t help her here. He’s made from her; how can they be so different? They fall in and out of love in a matter of minutes; love is so fickle.

Janet has infinite capacity for knowledge, a vast sea only she can sift through. But in the end, it seems she only has room for one love – her first.

_four._

She protests, crying, begging. Michael hits the plunger and Janet freefalls forward.

Somewhere along the way, Janet grows. Fooling Michael feels less of a mechanism, and more of a game. Why does Michael always hesitate? How can she prolong her own life, if just for a moment more?

(Janet reminds herself that Michael is not human, but then again, neither is she)

_five._

Janet never really knew why cacti. Maybe because it stands so alone, solid, even in harsh conditions. Maybe because it was the easiest thing for her at the time to conjure and maintain, and she clung to it like a lifeline.

As Janet re-downloads everything, words and concepts blur together. It feels like she drowned and was born anew. It’s in that moment, when she is open and raw, that Jason’s kindness touches her.

It sinks in with the rest, as a permanent part of her blueprint.


End file.
